A Changed Life In Little Steps

I have some understanding of the benefits of letting God work on my soul. I have this understanding, not because of my wisdom, but because God accepted my barely noticeable invitation to be in my life. There was a time when I wanted God to leave me alone. As a matter of fact my prayer was … “God leave me alone, but please don’t let go”. I am so grateful He did not let go of me. I believe we must invite God in, and however lame our invitation is, He accepts it.

Some time ago I was “having fun”, the kind of “fun” our culture encourages. The Bible tells us God’s laws are written on our heart. I think you have to slow down a bit and invest some time in knowing God before you can see what He has written on your heart. I did not think about God too much. I was a good person, I thought, but REALLY thinking about what God wanted and following God’s way didn’t sound fun. Consequences were not on my mind. At that time, my values were the values of whomever my associates happened to be at the time and could change from hour to hour. I could look like a good little mom, a fast track career girl or a let’s get drunk and turn over some tables party-er. I looked like a good member of society. I had a great job, made good money, a nice family. My friends and associates, even my family thought I was just fine.

But I was not following God’s way. When you don’t follow God’s law, you don’t “ break the law” …you eventually “break your self and others” against the law. The truth … I was emotionally immature and self-indulgent in many ways. Drinking with friends and coworkers was a big part of my life, spending beyond my means, creating chaos for myself, smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day, using language Jesus would not smile at, unkind gossiping, white lies, generally irresponsible behavior, overworking at the expense of loved ones, and more were part of my routine. I did not even think of these things as sinful.

In the midst of this kind of behavior … there was a whisper I would listen to … and on occasion, would attend a retreat day, kneel before the Blessed Sacrament for 15 minutes, go hear a special religious guest speaker, attend a healing service, or even go to Confession. Even when I was not attending Mass regularly, I would say “yes” to an inner prompting, and attend some Catholic spiritual function.

As I look back, I know this prompting for “spiritual feeding” of my soul was from the Holy Spirit. These small investments in “time with God” helped me understand Him a little better and feel His love for me a little deeper. Grace came to me through these small efforts. I have learned the cumulative effects of grace. With grace comes a change of heart, a change of will, a strengthening of character, a love of God, a healthy love of self and a miraculous ability to change --- a desire and ability to cooperate with God.

Slowly, with God’s help, my eyes were opened and continue to be opened to my flaws and sinfulness … as well as my strengths and uniqueness.

I became joyful at giving up habits and behavior I thought I loved, … could not live without… did not want to live without.

 

19 years ago abusive drinking left,

10 years ago debting stopped,

4 years ago smoking exited,

5 years ago cussing like a sailor retreated.

2 years ago I was able to give up patronizing tv, movies, books, videos, games, music –that detract from the dignity of humanity or the value of the family.

1 year ago and still today my work on feeding and exercising my body appropriately is coming along.

Over time, I have been able to share more of my time and resources with Gods’ people. He is still working with me, helping me to know just what He has called me to do for Him.

I am happy and grateful I was able to make substantial changes. What is not included here however is the hurt caused to others. Because of my sins, others have had to work hard and are still working hard to overcome obstacles and hardships that are a consequence of my earlier decisions on life style. I have learned that while you may think your sin is private or “your business”, there is always a community impact to sin.

I share this with you because I want you to know of God’s deep love for you, and His ability to help you make the changes you need to, no matter where you are in your journey.

I could not have learned what He had written on my heart or felt His love so deeply without investing some time in learning about God and His Church, and accepting His great gifts of Mass, Holy Communion and Confession.

I am grateful for the many chances we have for serving God’s people and receiving spiritual education and enrichment in our parish and diocese.

I will always have more to work on … flaws to give up, good habits to develop, God’s work to take on. I know this is part of my journey to love Him completely. It is a good journey, not always easy, but filled with joy, hope, confidence and a sense of purpose and well-being … even in the difficult parts of life.

In my younger days my prayer was “God leave me alone, but please don’t let go.” He answered. I hope your prayer is wiser much earlier that mine was. This one is better:

“God, I invite you into my life. Please make me be the person you want me to be.

I love you. Thank you.”